With divorce on the rise, the decision to tie the knot might be more or less anxiety provoking than ever before, depending on who you are. I’m want to provide a few thought-provoking questions that you and your sweetie may want to ask each other before running down that aisle. Because maybe, just maybe, if we get it right, walking simply won’t get us into their arms fast enough.
There are three crucial pieces that need to be addressed on this topic: timing, communication, and pre-marital counseling.
"We know how crucial communication is."
Hands down, everybody and their mother has an opinion on how long two people should know each other, date each other, and love one another before they are ready to get married. Well folks, let’s face it, we know way too many successful marriages that operated on different timelines, so let’s stop trying to figure out this formula. The key is that the feeling to get married is consistently there. I would raise a red flag to situations in which the desire isn’t steadily resistant to a few rollercoaster rides. My advice would be to at least get beyond the stage where everything is blissful. That stage will end, and as much as everyone thinks that’s a catastrophic moment, the truth is that when you pass through the rainbows-and-butterflies, you are entering into a different phase where growth, true work, and dedication can be rooted in more than just feelings. I think it’s important to wait until you get into this stage before getting married because if your head is wrapped up in all the bliss, it’s a little bit difficult to keep your heart from being carried away.
"There are three crucial pieces..."
In any relationship, we know how crucial communication is. And despite how good we are, we may think it’s much more romantic to avoid talking about it until there is a ring in the picture. If anyone gets that, trust me, it’s me. I’m a hopeless romantic in every possible way. But, friends: that’s not romance, that’s movies. I’m going to be blunt. A relationship, in which one individual feels uncomfortable bringing up marriage or talking about the idea of it, is not ready for it. A conversation needs to take place before a commitment can be made. That’s like asking someone to sign on the dotted line, without explaining the terms of the contract. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you need to talk about when the proposal is going to take place, I’m just recommending that you both be on the same page that a proposal can take place.
And finally, it’s absolutely critical to do pre-marital counseling. Every counselor you could go to is going to be different, so why would I still recommend it? Simply for this reason: despite what you get out of it, it actually comes down to believing there’s something to get out of it. If you don’t think you need it, I’d be curious to ask how you got marriage figured out when the rest of the world is still trying to do just that? And if you are scared to do it, I’d be curious to know how you think you’re going to avoid these topics for the rest of your life with the person you’re spending the rest of your life with? Now, hopefully you get a lot out of going through the pre-marital process, but again, that’s not the point. The point is in deciding that you are going to open yourself up to the questions that might be asked, the issues that might be raised, and the conversations that might be had.
"it’s absolutely critical to do pre-marital counseling."
All in all, I wish you the best of luck when the time comes to tie the knot with your love. A true knot is tied best with two strings, equally ready and willing to come together and get wrapped up in all there is to come, so that nothing could possibly untangle what’s been formed.